Joking Around

Joking Around

Raven sat down in the common room, sipping her tea.  It was very early, so no one else was up.  She had a lot on her mind these days - most of it about a certain chromatichally challenged changeling, if she was being honest with herself, though she usually wasn't - so she had trouble sleeping.  Getting up having finished, she went to the kitchen.

After cleaning hr mug, she noticed something in the trash.  Since emptying the trash is the last chore of the night, this meant someone was up earlier.  Curious, she took a glance in, and saw a crumpled piece of paper.  She'd have ignored it, but the one part that was visible had her name on it.  Reaching in, she took it out and tried to unfold it.  Taking it back to the table, she smoothed it out, and saw it was a letter to her.  Sitting down, she read.

"Raven,
We've known each other for a long time.  You've always known me as a real joker, though I'm sure by now you know that's all an act.  As much as I wish I could say this to your face, I know I'll never have the confidence.  I guess I'll have to settle with giving this to you."

It was from Beast Boy.  She'd recognize his scrawl anywhere.  There was something he wanted to tell her?  It seemed he'd lost even the confidence to let her read it, since he threw the letter away instead of giving it to her.  That meant this wasn't a joke, whatever it was.  Also, the residual emotional energy on the letter was sincere, if conflicted.  Curious, she continued to read.

"I've always been joking around, ever since I joined the team.  But we both know my jokes are terrible.  I know I'm not funny, but I've gotta try.  You see, after I...lost my folks, there was never much in my life to have fun for.  Before I joined the Doom Patrol, life was...difficult.  There was no time for fun.  And in the Doom Patrol...I was more soldier than hero.  Not much in the way of fun there, huh?
Then I joined the Titans.  That first mission with all of us...Here was a team that worked together, despite being total strangers, and was able to have fun doing it.  I was...happy.  And then there was you.  You were dark, beautiful, and mysterious...and you told me I was funny."

Raven gasped as she read that last part. Beast Boy thought she was...beautiful?  She read on, unable to focus on anything else, unaware that some of the other Titans had entered the common room and had noticed her gasp.

"I couldn't believe it at first.  I thought I had a talent, something I could use to give me a place...an identity...and you gave that to me.  Of course, it didn't take long for me to realise that I wasn't that funny...but I didn't want to give up.  If I had...I thought I'd be letting you down.
More recently, you've told me time and again to lay off the jokes, and believe me, I've tried.  But...I can't stop.  I'm so used to telling jokes now...to make everyone laugh, to cover my insecurities...to hide my pain.  Most especially...to try to connect to you.
Raven...there's so much I waish I could tell you.  How you haunt my dreams...how your every word carries the weight of the world...the exquisite beauty of the slightest flicker of emotion crossing your face...how much it means to me to see you smile..."

Raven reminded herself to take a breath, and wiped her eyes so she could keep reading.

"But I can't.  Every time I try to say something serious to you...I tell a joke.  It's all I can do.  And now...I guess all the jokes I've ever told you have been my way to tell you...over and over again...what I'll try to at least write here.  Raven...I love you."

Raven folds the leter up, treating it more carefully than she did her copy of the book of Azar.

"Friend Raven?  Is something the matter?  Have you read something distressing?"

Raven looked up.  Starfire, Robin and Cyborg were watching her with concern.  "I'm fine," she said levelly.  Clutching the letter, she said, "It's private."  She got up to leave.

Beast Boy walked into the common room and plopped down on the sofa some hours later.  Watching the TV, he remembered the letter he wrote early that morning.  Glancing over, he saw it wasn't in the wastebasket.  Dismissing it from his mind, he watched TV.  If someone had read it, he'd have heard something about it by now.

"Beast Boy," Raven spoke from behind him.

"Morning, Rae," he said without thinking, then winced.  She was going to be mad at him for calling her that.

Unexpectedly she sat down next to him.  Everyone turned to stare.  She tapped the letter against her cheek.  Seeing it, Beast Boy went pale.

"I learned something interesting this morning, Beast Boy, and there's something I want you to do for me," she said, her voice still totally level.

He nodded slowly, not sure what was going to happen.  The others had come closer, just in case they had to be forcefully seperated.

Raven smiled at him.  "Tell me a joke," she said pleasantly.

There was a resounding clang as the rest of the team's jaws hit the floor.  Beast Boy blinked several times, then slowly, a huge grin spread across his face.  Then he got started.

"Why did the aardvark cross the road?"