3.2: Demon Strations of Affection
"Raven Arella Xavier! Daughter of Trigon the Terrible! Behold, the Arch Demon Agathor, your executioner!"
Raven sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Again while I'm in the bubble bath...Well, if I send you back, will you stay gone? Or do I have to kill you?"
"Umm..." The demon seemed at a loss. He had expected rage, fear, or possibly embarrassment, since she was naked in the bath. Not...resigned boredom.
"I mean, I'd really rather not have to splatter someone else...demon blood is impossible to scrub out of linoleum. I had to take it all up and replace it." She stared irritatedly at the walls and floor. "And I hate the new pattern..."
Now the demon was worried. She didn't even seem concerned with him, and...splatter? "Umm...if it's not too much to ask, who did you splatter?"
"Oh, that one demon with all the X's in his name, I don't remember it, exactly."
"Uhh...was it Xax'ibraxa?"
"Maybe...that sounds about right. After the 20 or 30th time, demon names tend to blur together."
20 or 30? And Xax'ibraxa was one of the mightiest demons, near in power to Trigon himself! Rumor had it he was on vacation in the 7th dimension, but...if it was him, he specialized in surprise attacks. If she could splatter him...
"Now, what am I doing with you, again?" Raven glanced towards the demon.
"Umm...how about I just send myself back to hell, so you don't have to put yourself to any effort? Just enjoy your bath, huh?"
"Now that is considerate of you," Raven said in a melting tone. "I'll have to mention such consideration to my father...what did you say your name was?"
"THe Arch Demon...Bob?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"There seems to be a lot of you.
"I can't imagine," 'Bob' said, and vanished back to hell.
Raven chuckled. That made the 3rd assasination attempt this week, and as easily handled. "And why do they always show up while I'm in the bath?" She wondered aloud. "Still, it's better than the ones that want to marry me-"
THere was a pillar of fire, and a plume of multu-colored smoke.
"I spoke too soon."
"Raven, daughter of Trigon! I am Arakash the Fallen! I shall take you away to my realm, where you shall bear my offspring and make me King of all Hell!"
She glared at this latest interrupting demon. "I take it I don't get a choice in this," she said, irritation heavy in her voice.
"Umm...no, I'm kinda kidnapping you." Like the assassin, this demon didn't know how to handle someone who didn't present a proper fear response.
Raven sighed. "Okay then." Taking a deep breath, she screamed.
While this seemed more in character, the demon didn't seem happy. "Now, come on! That's not a scream of terror. A scream of terror is more like-"
THe bathroom door burst open, and a green clawed hand plunged itself into the demon's chest. A sword glowing white was at his throat. The Were-Beast spoke in a voice just above the crack of doom. "TOuch my woman and I will rip out your spine!"
The demon screamed. "Please! Mercy!"
"There is no mercy...for the damned." Beast Boy stared at the demon for a time, then spat in its eye. "BEGONE!"
THe demon vanished.
Raven pointed at the sink. "Clean up in here. I don't want blood on my carpet." Beast Boy went to comply. Raven sat in thought. "YOu know, he was right: his scream of absolute terror was MUCH more the thing. I'll have to work on that." THen she turned towards Beast Boy, her eyebrow raised. "YOUR woman?"
Beast Boy chuckled, having turned back to wash his hand. "Sorry about that. Kinda got caught up in the moment."
"Don't be. I thought it was sexy." She laughed at his sudden apprehension.
He smirked at her. "Evil woman." Then he chuckled. "I wonder how we'd explain this if someone else came in."
Raven blanched. "I don't even want to think about that."
"Raven? I heard loud noise! Is everything all right?" Robin rushed in, then stopped, taking in the scene: Raven in the bubble bath; the door busted; Beast Boy at the sink, washing blood off his hand. "What's going on?"
Raven froze, unsure how to respond. Beast Boy, however, didn't miss a beat. He jerked his head towards Raven. "It's that time of the month. GOt kinda messy. Raven asked me to help clean up."
Raven ducked under the bubbles to hide her face. It looked like she was trying to hide embarrassment. Robin got flustered. "Ah...good for you, Beast Boy...I'll just be...going." He turned and fled. His thoughts were plainly audible to Raven. *I'm glad Star doesn't go through that...how does Beast Boy handle dealing with it? That much blood...*
Raven came up out of the suds. "THat time of the month?"
Beast Boy nodded. "Yeah. Haven't you noticed the suitors always come out around the full moon?"
Raven couldn't help it. She cracked up. "That...was actually a good one, Gar. Not bad."
He grinned. "I aim to please."
"Well, at least I probably won't have to worry about-"
There was another plume of fire and smoke.
A demon appeared, having taken the time to disguise himself in a human form, down on one knee with his head bowed. "Beautiful Raven, jewel of the house of Trigon, I beg of thee. I am Arazon, Arch Fiend. Come to the Demon World with me and become my bride, and I shall make you Queen of all Hell!" Then he looked up and noticed the position everyone was in. "Umm...is this a bad time? I can come back later, if it is..."
Raven laughed. "Well, you're quite polite. I'm almost sorry to say I'm taken." She smiled lovingly towards Garfield. "Almost...but not quite."
"Ah," Arazon said, his face falling somewhat. "Well, it is good to know one has no chance, rather than waste everyone's time in futile endeavor. I shall take my leave then."
"Wait," Raven said. "There's no reason we can't be friends."
"Friends? I am not sure I know that term."
Beast Boy spoke up. "A friend is an ally who will invite you over for tea, and you don't have to worry about poison in the tea."
Arazon's eyes opened widely. "Really? How novel!" He thought for a time. "Yes, this sounds quite delightful. I should like being this 'friends' with you, Raven."
"Thanks," she said, pleased. "I'm glad I didn't have to splatter you. I really don't want to have to take up the linoleum again to get rid of the stains that won't clean."
"Actually, I've found that mixing equal parts olive oil and vinegar with a drop of holy water cleans up demon blood stains quite nicely," Arazon replied. "Give it an hour to dry, and it doesn't even burn."
Raven brightened. "Thanks, that should prove useful. I look forward to our next meeting."
"As do I, fair lady." He bowed to her. "I shall take my leave then. Fare thee well." He vanished.
"He even warps out cleanly. How considerate." Raven looked at the spot speculatively.
"I wonder what your father thinks of him. Not that it matters."
"I think I'll call and ask." Raven picked up her mirror. It was something she had made recently, and allowed her to mystically contact anyone with the right sensitivity whose name she knew, and they could contact her through it. She drew her finger around the glass, and spoke, "Father."
THe mirror clouded, then cleared. "Raven!" Trigon said happily from the mirror. "Umm, this is kinda awkward...you're in the bubble bath, and...I'm not that kinda demon, and I didn't think you were that kinda daughter..."
Raven's face turned bright red. "EWWW!!!! I just had something to talk to you about!"
"Oh, I know what I'm supposed to say...let's see, it was...Wazzup?"
"...Father...are you trying to be...street?"
"Umm...word up yo?"
"What exactly are you trying to do?"
"Relate to you younguns."
Beast Boy was laughing so hard he fell over. In a deep voice, he said, "EPIC FAIL!"
Trigon flushed. "So, why did you call me Raven?"
"What do you think of the Arch Fiend Arazon?"
"That one?" Trigon made a rude noise. "Arrogant jackass."
"That's...not how he seemed to me just now..."
"No...he was quite polite."
"Ah, Arazon the Wise. Wonderful young man. If you weren't already promised, he'd be at the top of my list of potential suitors for you, you know. Quite delightful, always very polite, much better than his older and younger brother. His declarations of war are masterful, as well. SO eloquent." Trigon remenisced for a while.
"SO you don't mind that I just friended him on Hellspace?"
"*sigh* Get with the times, old man."
"Umm...foe shizzle? Speaking of that, how exactly does one shizzle a foe? And is it really so effective?"
Raven ended the call. "Gods...sometimes I can't believe he rules most of hell." The mirror chimed, and she answered.
"Did you just hang up on me?" Trigon shouted, all rage and hellfire.
"I don't know," Raven said, a big grin on her face. "Did it sound something like this?" She cut the call, flicking the gem that would record incoming calls instead of alerting her.
Garfield chuckled. "YOu know, he's going to be upset with you for that."
"Nah...he'll probably tell all his drinking buddies about it proudly...if he has any." Raven sank into the water, which was now cold. Frowning, she released some magic, warming it back up. "I'm going to try to enjoy the rest of my bath."
"Gotcha." Garfield headed out. "I'll fix your door later."
"Thanks, love," she said, starting to doze.